Am I Benificial?

All the things I used to see as valuable are nothing.

The experience, strivings, and accomplishments have some value if I did them for the right heart and mindset, but

they did not make me righteous.

I could not work hard enough to be worthy -

Who was I working so hard to please, anyway?

People I had put on a pedestal? My parents? God? Myself?

Why?

I thought that I could prove that all the negative things my dad said about me were false.

I thought that being more knowledgeable, capable & talented would bring respect, honor, and approval.

I set out to learn, and do more and more, under the mindset that the things I gain would greatly benefit my family. Maybe earn us more money, get us a better house…

But in the process of working so hard, I forgot my family. I lost time to create precious memories, build hearts, strengthen relationships.

“Mom, you are too busy.”

I’m NOT worthy.

I missed some of the most important treasure-filled times.

I can’t take time back.

But I got a second chance.

I found out my true worthiness doesn’t come from my striving.

Whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. Phil 3:7

It turns out that the things I DIDN’T do mean more.

The home I was born into, the parents who raised me, the people who came into my life, the abuses, traumas, good and bad experiences.

None of those were in my control. But all of them shaped who I am and taught me the kinds of things I have stored deep in my heart.

The good things – the love I received – were worth storing. The bad things, traumas needed to be removed so love could grow.

I think that’s why roses are my favorite flower. I have never had a rose bush that just bloomed profusely without my having to care for it.

Aphids, worms and spider mites attack the newest growth.

Worms eat a hole into baby buds and all the leaves quickly, destroying it before it can grow, leaving nothing but blackness and hard stems behind.

Spider mites eat the leaves and new foliage after they spin a web to hide themselves from the beneficial insects.

Armies of Aphids pierce the newest plant tissue and suck out the juices, causing wilted plants which have no energy to grow the beautiful roses that the plant was DESIGNED to produce.

Just as the destroying insects are attacking the very marrow of my rose bushes, Satan and his demons are having a feast on our youngest generations in this world.

I can’t just put a pesticide on my roses because the pesticide will not only kill the bad bugs, but the good ones too. In fact, there are hardly any beneficial insects to be found, which is why the bad ones come back with a vengeance within days of picking off and spraying neem oil.

It’s not a quick one-day fix!

I must continuously nurture my plants for them to survive, thrive, and produce beautiful blooms. I can’t rely on the help of beneficial insects because that help is few and far between, often nowhere to be found.

Where did they all go?

I have heard it said, “in life you have to take the roses WITH the thorns.”

Life dishes out some painful experiences, but if we have strong roots and healthy nourishment, those experiences can turn into testimonies that bless others.

The biggest problem, however, is not the thorns – the big noticeable things that immediately give us pain (past trauma, injury, illness, loss of a loved one, our own poor choices, etc.).

It’s the minuscule insects that secretly get into our minds and hearts to eat away at our faith, our hope, our resolve to keep moving forward.

Subliminal and repeated messages that cause us to question our beliefs and gradually abandon them altogether.

Or the greedy green worms that eat into our pocketbooks as we constantly buy more and more THINGS and then must work harder to pay, stealing more time.

Or the armies of expectations that are placed upon today’s families – to surround our kids with schoolteachers, coaches, peers, activities, social media, etc. but only have a couple hours a day with them ourselves.

You know, Satan doesn’t even have to bother much with parents.

He has access to our children anywhere we are not present physically or emotionally.

Staring at our phones while sitting next to our kids is NOT quality time. It tells our kids they are not important – perfect breeding ground in a child’s heart for poor self-worth and the desire to seek validation from someone else.

Did we just come full circle? It’s a cycle we don’t even realize we are continuing to fall into.

No wonder the world is falling apart.

How do we break free? How do we save our precious buds and help them to blossom into strong, fragrant and beautiful flowers?

Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,

and all these things

will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Start over. Ask God for a second chance. Seek HIM diligently. Be filled by HIS Spirit. Receive HIS nourishment & provision so that we have what we need to give.

Every day we wake up is a NEW day of opportunities to prioritize what – no; WHO is most important.

Start looking closely at our children. Nourish and strengthen them as God reveals and provides.

Remove the negative and damaging things that have begun to eat into their delicate hearts. Nourish more. Repeat.

In our sacrifice to put God and family first, we may not have a big house, a new car, in-style clothes, or yearly vacations.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:20‭-‬21 NIV

But, when we are blessed with abundance, then we consider it a gift from the Lord to not only enjoy but to come to the aid of others who are overwhelmed.

We become the beneficials who work alongside others to nourish hearts & remove evil.

I'm a work in progress, striving and depending on The Holy Spirit for guidance so I can be beneficial to His Kingdom. I can't do it alone.

God never intended for us to do it alone. We need an a

Army of Benificials!

What will it take to join the Beneficials? Just say yes,

And start.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14